Being the Parent You Want to Be By Patricia Wall ©2007 Take the Lid Off Inc
Parenting is the hardest job ever. There are no coffee breaks, no simple answers, and no guidebooks that address the personality and challenges of your unique child.
Your challenges keep changing as your child changes, which is a constant and natural process. Just when you figure out a menu, or a discipline, or an entertainment that works – poof, they change. Just when you get the clothing all sorted out, they have a random growth spurt and nothing fits. Just when you get your evenings under control they have an ear infection or illness, and another plan is required. Another temporary plan, because there’s no such thing as an ongoing plan. All you can do is cope. We all do the best we can.
No matter how great your parents may have been, there were surely some things that you decided you’d do differently. After all, times have changed. What I discovered was that whenever I was sick, or overtired, I would hear the dreaded words come out of my mouth – the very things I promised myself I wouldn’t say or do.
There’s a reason this happens.
Stress is the domain of the limbic system, a part of your subconscious mind. The limbic system executes behavioral programs that are established before you are five years old. When you are stressed, which is inevitable for parents, your limbic system kicks in to run programs so you can operate more efficiently. Unfortunately, the results may not please you.
If you find yourself wondering why you did or said something, it’s a sure sign your limbic system has been at work. Not all results of limbic efficiency are bad – it does a lot of your automatic functions. When you drive, you don’t think about how to drive, because your subconscious is doing it for you. You don’t think about how to find your way home, because your subconscious does it for you (which is why you sometimes end up driving a routine route and forgetting where you intended to go.)
Limbic programming is only a problem when you are unhappy with your own behavior. Whether you’re having trouble doing what you decided to do, or stopping doing something you don’t want to do, you can be sure your limbic system is involved. The solution is to understand your subconscious mind and how to change it’s interaction in your life. That way you can keep the useful stuff, like driving, and change the stuff that bugs you.
It’s really hard to feel good about yourself when you’re not doing what you think you should. When your behavior does not match your decision, it’s a limbic reaction. When you struggle with priorities and feel pressured constantly, it’s a limbic reaction. Your limbic system doesn’t handle conflicting demands well, and that adds to your stress. To learn self-mastery is to learn how and why your subconscious interferes with your decisions and your life, and how to change that. Real peace of mind comes with self-mastery. Knowing what you need to do, and being able to do it, comes with self-mastery.
Inner peace means having certainty and calm in the midst of turmoil. Since parenting is a guarantee of turmoil, it’s a useful skill.
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Self-Mastery
Mind over Weight
Going Beyond Success
EVENTS
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